Chrono Savior
by Damocles32
Summary: Zim travels back in time to save Gaz, but not for the obvious reasons. Will Dib find out what's going on? Will Zim screw it up horribly? Does Gaz actually need saving? It is somewhat unstructured and may be fairly confusing, but I suppose time travel is


Hello There!

I thought I'd take a little break from Darkness Flame to post a one-chapter humor piece. Yes, despite the beginning, it is a humor. Zim gets hurt a lot, but comes out ahead in the end. Well, kinda.  Anyway, here it goes… my first attempt at a Humorous Zim FanFic. 

Readers: *shudder in horror*

            ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Chrono Savior

By Damocles32

"I WANT YOU TO GO BACK TO NORMAL!"

            The alien had cornered Dib in the boys bathroom. When Dib sullenly asked what he wanted, the Irken politely informed him. Dib looked at the enraged invader, shaking his overly large head.

            "You don't get it, do you Zim? Gaz is dead. **DEAD**. She's never coming back."

            The answer only confused Zim more.

            "But you hated each other! If anything you should be HAPPY!"

            "Zim, she was my **_sister_**."

            The Irken stared at the boy, uncomprehending. 

            "Forget it, Zim."

            Dib made his way past his captor, walking towards the bathroom door. Zim raised his arms high in the air, hands balled into fists.

            "FIGHT ME!"

            Dib turned his head around.

            "I don't care anymore, Zim. Take the planet. Enslave us. Whatever. I don't care."

            With that, the human opened the swinging door and turned down the hall, leaving Zim standing alone amidst the dirt and grime of the boys' bathroom.

            Zim was at a loss. Dib just didn't understand. It wasn't about having Earth anymore. It was about defeating Dib to get it. This… this wasn't winning. Dib had just given up. Zim racked his brain, trying to come up with a plan. Dib gave up because the Gaz-Human had perished. Thus, were Gaz still alive, Dib would want to save the Earth again. Zim didn't quite see the logic in it, but it was almost exactly what the human had said. So, if Gaz came back to life… no, no, that was no good. Irken medical science was advanced, but it couldn't raise the dead. Even if it could, they always came back all smelly and rotty. Even more than normal, in the humans case.  Zim began beating his head against the bathroom wall. There had to be something! The thought hit Zim like the Final Sweep. The Space Time Object Replacement Device! He could use it to travel back in time to save Gaz from… whatever caused her to meet her horrible, twitching doom.

            Zim shuddered at the thought of having to use the device again after the horrible rubber piggy incident… those horrible… horrible piggies. Zim took a deep breath, resigning himself to the plan. It had to be done. His spider legs extended from his Pak, allowing him to crawl out the narrow bathroom window situated a few inches from the ceiling. 

~LATER~

            Zim stared into the temporal rift, it's eerie glow reflecting on his face. The monitor next the machine showed a picture of Gaz and Dib standing on the sidewalk, Gaz had begun to walk across the street. Zim had watched it all before. In a few moments a truck would scream down the road. Gaz never even looked up. Zim didn't like to think of himself as squeamish, but he always froze the screen just before impact. Now the scene was playing again, only this time, Zim would be part of it. He took a deep breath and, disguise in place, leapt through the portal.

            ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Dib stood on the sidewalk, watching Gaz leave. Well, let her go. If she didn't want to help save the Earth from interstellar doom, so be it. Beside him, there was a bright flash. Dib jumped back, his head jerking around wildly, searching for the source of the laser he was sure Zim had fired. Instead, his vision came to rest on the Chewelah that had been sitting peaceably next to him. He paid particular attention to the dog because it was no longer a dog. It was Zim.

            "What the…"

            Dib had just begun to speak when Zim threw up his hand for silence.

            "SILENCE! YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND WHAT I AM HERE FOR!"

            "Try me, Zim."

            "I am here to…"

            Zim stopped, apparently lost in thought. He lowered his arm and used it to scratch his chin. After a while, he spoke.

            "I have forgotten."

            In an apparent attempt to regain his Irken supremacy, Zim raised his hands above his head.

            "I AM ZIM!"

            "You're kidding, right? Jeez, you can't even remember your own evil plans."

            "Not true! I remember! It's just… I… IT'S A SECRET! A SECRET!"

            "You're pathetic, Zim." Dib turned back to the street.

            "Hey, where'd Gaz go?"

            Zim stared at a red streak on the road.

            "Oh _DAMN!_" 

            Zim sprouted his spider legs and scurried off towards his base and the time space object replacement device. This time he'd be more careful.

            Dib was left alone, staring at the streak on the road. His voice was weak and breaking.

            "Gaz…?"

            ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Dib stood on the sidewalk, watching Gaz leave. Well, let her go. If she didn't want to help save the Earth from interstellar doom, so be it. Beside him, there was a bright flash. Dib jumped back, his head jerking around wildly, searching for the source of the laser he was sure Zim had fired. Instead, his vision came to rest on the Chewelah that had been sitting peaceably next to him. He paid particular attention to the dog because it was no longer a dog. It was Zim.

            "What the…"

            Dib had just begun to speak when Zim threw up his hand for silence.

            "SILENCE! YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND WHAT I AM HERE FOR!"

            "Try me, Zim."

            "I am here to…"

            Meanwhile, inside the truck, the driver reached down to pick up his can of Poop Cola that had fallen onto the floor, his monstrous beer belly hanging out from under his greasy white T-Shirt as he did so. As his fingers touched the can, he jerked up again, clutching his heart with his right hand, screaming a horrible, painful scream. His eyes bulged and his tongue stuck a good six inches out of his mouth. He inflated to an insane degree until he filled up the entire cab. Two seconds later, with a bright flash and a piercing scream, the driver was gone, replaced by Zim. 

            Zim rubbed his hands together. Perfect. Now all he had to do was stop the Earth vehicle and everything would be back to normal. Zim looked at the command consol in front of him. Buttons and levers and dials of every shape and size imaginable stood before him. 

            "Well… on the Voot Cruiser the emergency break is right…"

            Zim pressed down on a button next to the steering wheel. Immediately the hood flew up, blocking Zim's view entirely. Zim screamed and began slamming random buttons and pulling every lever in his reach. It was no use. Within in moments the truck bounced upwards and Zim hear the sickening thud. He pounded his fists against the dashboard.

            "DAMN! DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMN!" 

            Zim was so busy cursing he missed the warning signs posted along the road. Not that he could have seen them anyway, with the hood up like it was. The truck crashed through the junkyard gate and into an active car crusher.

            --------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, where'd Gaz go?"

            Zim stared at a red streak on the road.

            "Oh _DAMN!_" 

            Zim sprouted his spider legs and scurried off towards his base and the time space object replacement device. This time he'd be more careful.

            Dib was left alone, staring at the streak on the road. His voice was weak and breaking.

            "Gaz…?"

            -----------------------------------------------------------------

            Dib stood on the sidewalk, watching Gaz leave. Well, let her go. If she didn't want to help save the Earth from interstellar doom, so be it. Beside him, there was a bright flash. Dib jumped back, his head jerking around wildly, searching for the source of the laser he was sure Zim had fired. Instead, his vision came to rest on the Chewelah that had been sitting peaceably next to him. He paid particular attention to the dog because it was no longer a dog. It was Zim.

            "What the…"

            Dib had just begun to speak when Zim threw up his hand for silence.

            "SILENCE! YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND WHAT I AM HERE FOR!"

            "Try me, Zim."

            "I am here to…"

            Meanwhile, across the street, there was a bright flash as a small red fireplug turned into small, wig-wearing alien. He spotted the human making her way across the street. His spider legs sprang out, propelling him across the road. He reached Gaz and lifted her up in his arms. 

"Zim. You will put me down. You will put me down now."

"I cannot, foolish Gaz-Human. I am saving your life."

Zim struck an overly heroic pose.

"Put me down, or else."

The Irken raised an invisible eyebrow.

"Or else… what?"

"That is the stupidest question I have ever heard. Put me down."

"IT IS NOT STUPID! 'Or Else' COULD BE _ANYTHING_!"

Zim looked towards his left to check the progress of the Earth vehicle. 

He saw a grill.  

            -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, where'd Gaz go?"

            Zim stared at a dark streak on the road.

            "Oh _DAMN!_" 

            Zim sprouted his spider legs and scurried off towards his base and the time space object replacement device. This time he'd be more careful.

            Dib was left alone, staring at the streak on the road. His voice was weak and breaking.

            "Gaz…?"

            ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Dib stood on the sidewalk, watching Gaz leave. Well, let her go. If she didn't want to help save the Earth from interstellar doom, so be it. Beside him, there was a bright flash. Dib jumped back, his head jerking around wildly, searching for the source of the laser he was sure Zim had fired. Instead, his vision came to rest on the Chewelah that had been sitting peaceably next to him. He paid particular attention to the dog because it was no longer a dog. It was Zim.

            "What the…"

            Dib had just begun to speak when Zim threw up his hand for silence.

            "SILENCE! YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND WHAT I AM HERE FOR!"

            "Try me, Zim."

            "I am here to…"

            Meanwhile, seventy-five feet above them, a small bluebird was soaring, through the sky, it's happy song spreading joy and cheer to all who could hear it. The singing stopped abruptly when the bird began to expand…

            The truck roared down the street, a small green figure vigorously pressing buttons and pulling levers inside the drivers seat. When suddenly, a screaming green blur plummeted downwards, slamming into the bed of the truck with a disturbing "Whump."

            The truck was carrying a shipment of King Scorpions. 

            -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, where'd Gaz go?"

            Zim stared at a dark streak on the road.

            "Oh _DAMN!_" 

            Zim sprouted his spider legs and scurried off towards his base and the time space object replacement device. This time he'd be more careful.

            Dib was left alone, staring at the streak on the road. His voice was weak and breaking.

            "Gaz…?"

            ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Dib stood on the sidewalk, watching Gaz leave. Well, let her go. If she didn't want to help save the Earth from interstellar doom, so be it. Beside him, there was a bright flash. Dib jumped back, his head jerking around wildly, searching for the source of the laser he was sure Zim had fired. Instead, his vision came to rest on the Chewelah that had been sitting peaceably next to him. He paid particular attention to the dog because it was no longer a dog. It was Zim.

            "What the…"

            Dib had just begun to speak when Zim threw up his hand for silence.

            "SILENCE! YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND WHAT I AM HERE FOR!"

            "Try me, Zim."

            "I am here to…"

            Meanwhile, Zim looked around, disoriented. He was standing on the road… someone… himself… was talking to Dib behind him. He could hear the truck approaching to his right. That was as far as he got before he felt someone scoop him up. Zim looked at his captor. Zim stared Zim in the eyes, an incredibly confused look on both their faces. They stared at each other in disbelief for what seemed like an eternity. When they both remembered to check on the progress of the Earth vehicle, all they saw was a large grill.  

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, where'd Gaz go?"

            Zim stared at a dark streak on the road.

            "Oh _DAMN!_" 

            Zim sprouted his spider legs and scurried off towards his base and the time space object replacement device. This time he'd be more careful.

            Dib was left alone, staring at the streak on the road. His voice was weak and breaking.

            "Gaz…?"

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Dib stood on the sidewalk, watching Gaz leave. Well, let her go. If she didn't want to help save the Earth from interstellar doom, so be it. Beside him, there was a bright flash. Dib jumped back, his head jerking around wildly, searching for the source of the laser he was sure Zim had fired. Instead, his vision came to rest on the Chewelah that had been sitting peaceably next to him. He paid particular attention to the dog because it was no longer a dog. It was Zim.

            "What the…"

            Dib had just begun to speak when Zim threw up his hand for silence.

            "SILENCE! YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND WHAT I AM HERE FOR!"

            "Try me, Zim."

            "I am here to…"

            Meanwhile, there was a bright flash as the left front tire of the truck disappeared, revealing a screaming Zim holding onto the axle. The truck tilted down and to the left until it's front bumper hit the pavement. The sudden friction caused the truck to flip forward and sideways, clearing the two Zim's on the road entirely. It flew into a nearby gas station, causing a brilliant explosion that bathed the surrounding area in an intense light and heat. After a few minutes, the brilliant light faded, revealing the party of four, three Zim's and one Dib, stared at the smoking ruins of the gas station. The eerie silence following the blast was broken by a high pitched scream that grew louder every second. The two Zim's on the road looked up in time to see the screaming face of a fourth Zim falling towards them. 

            Zim and Dib stared at the tangled trio of Irken bodies sitting on the road.

            "What the…"

            Dib barely had time to utter this when Gaz walked up to them. She looked up at Zim, her eyes holding their ever-present squint. 

            "Don't ever try to replace me with a time space replacement device again, Zim."

            With that, she kicked the alien in the shin, causing him to scream and fall to the ground. Gaz turned around and left Dib alone with a wounded alien, who was screaming curses upon humanity and their home world. Dib shook his head.

            "What just… no, you know what? I'm not going to ask."

            With that, Dib turned and followed Gaz home.

            With some effort, Zim managed to compose himself in time to see Dib fade off into the sunset. His eyes narrowed after the human under a disheveled wig. He hissed his final words to Dib for that day.

            "Victory for _ZIM_."


End file.
